As I sat glued to my screen. I found myself incredibly humbled by the remarkable stories of resiliency and triumph watching the Paralympic Games in Paris. One such story, is an extremely personable young lady: Alexa Leary, an Australian swimmer who defied seemingly insurmountable odds to not only compete but also succeed at the pinnacle of parasport.
Three years ago, Alexa was a bright young triathlete whose life was turned upside down by a devastating accident. She lay in a coma, unable to speak or walk, with doctors predicting she might never regain the ability to walk again. Fast forward to today, and Alexa isn’t just walking – she’s swimming her way to multiple gold medals on the world stage.
Story after story, I witnessed athletes who had lost parts of themselves—whether due to congenital conditions, illness, or accidents, yet had persevered to reach unimaginable heights. As I listened to these stories of adversity and watched these extraordinary individuals push the boundaries of what’s possible, I found myself reflecting on the nature of trauma, loss, and the human capacity for healing.
Dealing with What Has Been Lost
Loss, whether it comes in the form of a life-altering accident, a heartbreaking diagnosis, or the progressive loss of sense of self due difficult circumstances, leaves us with the feeling that we have lost important parts of who we are. It’s a feeling that transcends beyond the physical; it’s the loss of identity, of hope, of the future we thought we were building. Redefining oneself is a difficult journey, but loss doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
The Choices We Make
What struck me most about the Paralympians’ stories were the choices they took consciously in spite of their losses. They could have allowed their trauma to define them, to become bitter or resigned to a life of limitation. Instead, they opted to focus on what they could still do and the opportunities that remained available to them.This choice isn’t easy. It includes facing up to harsh realities about a new reality, which requires a tremendous deal of courage and tenacity.
Journey Through Healing
Healing from trauma is far from straightforward. It’s filled with ups and downs, literally one step forward and several steps backwards, and moments of breakthrough.
1. Acknowledge the Loss
One of the first steps toward healing is acknowledging your loss. It is easy to try to act like that nothing has changed or to ignore the pain. But acknowledging the impact of a life-altering event, be it the loss of a sense of identity, a relationship, or a loss of one’s physical ability. It’s okay to feel that pain, and it’s okay to admit that you’re mourning. It’s normal to be grieving at the loss of your former sense of self. Whether it’s the athlete mourning their former body, the worker mourning their career, or a person expressing sorrow over a broken relationship, these feelings are valid and need space to breathe.
2.Accept the New Reality
After acknowledgment comes acceptance—not in the sense of settling for less, but in embracing the present reality. Alexa could have focused on what she had lost, but instead, she redefined herself as a swimmer. Alexa refused to be defined by the prognosis given by medical professionals. She rejected it as ‘unacceptable’ and, instead, fought against the so-called “evidence” and forged ahead with her own healing journey.
Acceptance doesn’t happen all at once; it’s often a back-and-forth process. Sometimes, you’ll move forward, and other times, you’ll long for the past, or just want to give up / shut down. But in accepting that life has changed, you make space to rebuild something new. This is exactly what many of these incredible Paralympians have done.
3.Explore What’s Missing
Another part of this journey requires exploring the aspects of yourself that you feel are ‘missing’. This phase of the process might be challenging because it requires you to face tough feelings like despair and anger and sometimes even disgust or shame. A soldier who returns from war without limbs may ask themselves, “Who am I now?” not just coping with the physical loss but also the loss of identity and purpose.
Asking questions like, ‘Who am I now?’ and ‘What new opportunities can emerge from this loss?’ is incredibly difficult and requires deep introspection, soul-searching, and a sense of hopefulness. Having access to strong support systems is crucial throughout this process. We don’t mean to suggest that this is a simple or quick fix—recovery is a complex, multi-layered journey. This is just one aspect of possible healing, and it’s important to recognise that each person’s path is unique and can take time.
4.Rediscover and Recreate
Rebuilding after loss is a process that takes time, and sometimes the pieces don’t fit together the way they used to, but that doesn’t matter. Stories like Lexi’s and those of other Paralympic competitors have shown me, we don’t have to start over and rebuild the life we once had. In reality, we often can’t.
Instead, we have the opportunity to rebuild a new, more resilient version of ourselves.
Although losing a limb may prevent a soldier from returning to active obligation, they may be able to find new meaning in helping others or participating in adaptive sports. When we focus on what we can still do, rather than what we have lost, we make room for new possibilities.
5. Ways to Move Forward
Following loss and trauma:
- Set small, attainable goals: When reestablishing oneself, it’s important to establish small, doable goals. Every small win will serve as a reminder of your persistence and determination. Focus on the wins – not on what isn’t working.
- Be mindful: Trauma often leads to losing connection with our bodies and emotions. Being mindful helps reconnect and be in the moment with your emotions. This allows you to observe your emotions and thoughts without passing judgement. To being present.
- Lean on your support system: Experiencing trauma can be isolating, because no one can feel what you are experiencing. However, you don’t have to face it alone. Everyone needs their own ‘cheerleading’ group – whether it is to provide a listening ear, become part of your ‘coaching team’, and/or to offer encouragement as you rebuild.
- Seek therapy or counselling: A qualified therapist can help you navigate through the process of exploring and healing from your trauma.
Finding Hope Despite Loss
While trauma might lead to hopelessness, it can also present an opportunity for growth. Watching the Paralympians reminded me that setbacks don’t always mean the end of a story. All of us are capable of rebuilding, often in ways more stronger than before. As you begin the path to reclaim what’s been lost, keep this in mind: healing isn’t about leaving your past behind. It’s about embracing those experiences and emerging stronger, more resilient. Even after the deepest losses, happiness, courage, and a renewed sense of purpose are still within reach. It all starts with that first small step, taken one bit at a time.
